Today we are just going to call a spade a spade-this is my b*tch session. Consider yourself warned.
As if “life” wasn’t already enough, the boy and I have taken on the insane challenge of quitting smoking…you know, while planning this little thing called a wedding that just happens to be made more difficult by the Catholic Church. Today is actually day 31, and according to my website thingy I’ve saved $144.00. Woo.Freakin.Hoo. I gave up on the Chantix halfway through the cruise b/c frankly the stuff was making me moody as h*ll and I was afraid of the difficulties involved w/ bailing one out of a Caribbean jail.
However, between the cruise and the “stop smoking so throw everything else imaginable in your mouth” diet I’ve been on, I’ve gained weight. I wasn’t planning on loosing weight per se for the wedding, but certainly didnt’ want to gain either. The thing is, I have a serious problem w/ keeping my hands occupied. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Plus, I used to smoke when I was hungry and could go for hours past the point of hunger which was especially helpful when I was busy. (Not so helpful though when you realize in 3 days you’ve only eaten 2 meals, but whatever). That was my diet, and I was happy with it.
Now I’m like a freakin’ unstoppable monster. And so if quitting wasn’t hard enough, the boy has decided we need to loose weight. Yea. The boy. And while he’s right we may need to work on his, umm, approach, well meaning as it is.
Oh yea, and I have 6 months until the wedding. Countdown you ask? Sort of….b/c I got bangs which I think I hate (but it might just be the rest of my hair) that are basically too short. Therefore, I had to figure out exactly how much time I had to let my bangs grow. And I like the long side swept thing….except the first girl jacked them 90210 style and i had to have them fixed….twice….and so now they are just short but they’re a little “choppy” to accommodate the shortness.
In fairness, my bangs really aren’t THAT bad, but along with my “big nose” it’s just one more thing I feel crappy about.
And then there’s the fact I have nothing to wear-oh yea, and I don’t really want to go shopping. There are several reasons for this including having no clue what to buy, having stuff not fit (see above) and money ($1500 and counting to the church ).
Oh, and did you know that when you get married you have to compromise??!!! Sh*t people, why don’t you tell me these things?! Seriously though, after the cruise certain things came to my attention-certain things that living on your own for so long make it a bit more difficult. And not just vacation stuff, general stuff. But to give you an example, I love laying on the beach alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll day. I have to feel like I’m “doing” something and being productive. Somehow, trying to get a tan = productive to me. That, sadly, is the only way I can relax (or the easiest). But the boy gets bored after a bit in the sun. So we’re searching for a honeymoon spot that has both sun and excursions. Seems easy right? Try again. Did I mention we’re doing this during hurricane season? And as it turns out, I’m beginning to view the whole honeymoon like New Year’s Eve-a whole bunch of hype so you feel like its’ SUPPOSED to be the best night ever, but really it can’t live up. So now I’m desperately trying NOT to hype up the honeymoon in my brain…at all. Otherwise I’m getting WAY overwhelmed. As if feeling like planning a wedding wasn’t “job” enough-seriously, it’’s my job, not so much fun right now. I’m working on that though.
And through this all, I think EVERY flaw I have has been pointed out to me…often by my church (did you know reason 769 that I’m going to hell -b/c I don’t want to take a moment in my wedding to worship the Blessed Virgin? Add it to the list for the Pope…) As I sit here are write this, I want to say “I’m working on it” but that’s so hokey. Like a new year’s resolution–I don’t make them. Rather, I try to work on specific things throughout the year. But seriously, how do you work on not getting overwhelmed/overstressed? It’s ridiculous I realize but what can I do. Sh*t hits the fan at work all the time, and I feel certain the boy probably thinks I must half loose my mind. But the fact is, I keep it together. Sh*t ALWAYS hits it, and always will, and I just embrace that. But I think I might use all my embracing at work 
And how do people w/ kids keep it together????? Like Bri or J? I mean, I know certain people put on fronts (sorry kiddo, I see you almost every day and you know who you are 
) but still, those are some damn friggin’ good fronts. And they really don’t let themselves sweat tooooooo much. But then they go and find these cute websites that they post on their blogs and so I find but I have NO clue how they find them in the first place and I think it’s super cute stuff but I’m afraid to buy it b/c I have no clue what to buy or if the sleeves will shrink up on me!!!! (breath)
So that’s a long rant. The fact is, life isn’t THAT bad but apparently I had some (ahem) stuff building up there. Here’s a thought-maybe a lot of the above would be solved if I didn’t feel the need to be perfect, huh? What’s so bad w/ flaws anyway?
