YaYa Princess

About a week ago I received an e-mail from a colleuge asking me about running for the board of a particular industry association.  Less than 24 hours later, I recieved a letter from the incoming president on the same topic.  Both of these amazing woman wanted me to consider being a candidate for the board. 

I’m far from the only person on this earth who has trouble saying No.  And the good Lord knows all I need is a little flattery about how “indespensible” I am and I’m a little like melted butta’.  Basically, I’m a sucker for some good flattery.  

So you can imagine when I recieved this correspondance (which was then followed up that afternoon with some training for this organization to ‘re-energize us) I was thrown.  Not a week before I sat with my manager discussing my goals for 2010.  One of my goals included being LESS involved.

Yep, you heard it hear first folks.

Two bloggers I read have used a certain turn of phrase that seems particularly appropriate–my ’seaon of life’ has changed.  (yes I know it sounds like a menopause commercial)  It’s no secret that the boy and I have talked about starting a family sometime in the next two years (the same length as a board term) and to be honest, I want to focus more on ‘non-work’ things…you know, it’s normally called a personal life?  Yea, I had to look it up too.

I won’t lie, they almost had me.  I was so flattered by the compliments I was given, by the confidence they have in me and the optimisim I could bring to the table.  Heck, even the fact that they were “looking forward to the opporutnity to work with me and get to know me better”.  Seriously, that’s some good stuff.  And I mulled it over.  Long and hard. 
Maybe, I thought, I could carry on.  How hard would it be right?

When I mentioned it to the boy and said we needed to discuss it, he asked me what there was to discuss.  “Oh” I said, “so you think I should go for it??!”

His reply:

“What part of that statement makes you think I think this is a good idea?”

In fairness, when it’s written out it sounds like he’s running some sort of dictatorship.  That couldn’t be further from the case actually.  This is a man that hears all the backend jumbled jarrgon of all of my little world’s ins and outs.  He knows me, perhaps better than I know myself (much to my dismay) he also knows when I need to slow down.  He’s like my own personal barameter.  And so when the discussion of our family and where our lives are heading originally came up, I had to suck it up and hear what he had to say.  No longer am I a single gal who can come home after working a 12 hour day and tune out, with only myself and a cat to be responsible for.  Never would I have thought that that would be a struggle for me to embrace, and yet here it is almost a year and a half to the day later and I still struggle with it.  Apparently, I can be a bit selfish.  And to be perfectly honest, this is a new season for me and there is a lot going on.  Perhaps it was time to shift it down.

And so yesterday I responded with a thank you, but no thank you.  I expressed my sincere appreciation but declined the offer.  It was harder than I would have thought, I cannot lie.  A year and a half in and I have to remind myself still that it’s not just me.  Sad maybe, but true.  But the benefit to all of this is a life shared, which is much better than a life as the cat lady

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One of my other favorite bloggers, CJane recently wrote a blog about the seasons of her life.  Much more eloquent than I, I’ll let you read her words rather than make a feable attempt at synopsizing.  And even though her reference to seasons is in reference to her pregnancy (and no I am NOT preggo) I really love the context (and her writing, of course).  In some (non-pregnant ways) I can relate to her idea of the seasons of life, albeit in a different way.

November 11th I finished out what was probably THE toughest year (and a few days) of my work life to date.  It wasn’t that it was horrific, just very very challenging.  And now, being on the other side of it I’m filled with pride….and an overwhelming sense of exhaustion, relief and general gratitude.

Truly, I’ve learned so much this year and am so very proud of (generally speaking) how I’ve handled myself.  Of course, some of that learning also has to do with what I would NOT do again, but you can’t win ‘em all.

This has also been a year of other firsts.  First year of marriage, which is a challenge in and of itself regardless of how long you’ve been together or how in love you are, first home (see my last comment  *ahem*), first dog, realizing that I’m not paid to work more than 8 hours, and realizing that I can’t get it all done in 8 hours, finding out I’m well into several hundered hours overbilled at work, coming to terms with the fact that it’s ok to say that that is “not okay”.  It’s the first time I’ve dealt with the economy being this bad, and moreover not being sheltered from it, the first time someone I love lost a family member, and for that matter meeting new family members! 

There are a million more I”m sure, but the point is, it’s been a whirlwind year.  And I’m looking forward to what this next year has in store, mostly b/c of all I’ve learned this year, and b/c of my shift in priorities, and because well, that just means that this year is over.

Oh, and because I’ve learned that if you try to follow someone on Twitter accidentally and then “un-follow” that person still gets a message saying you were trying to follow them…I’m just saying.

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In about 36 hours I’m on a plane for CA.  Should certainly be an interesting 8 days.  Ed Bagely Jr, RFK Jr, possibly even Arnold S….Jr.  Um yea no.  I mean maybe, but I the he breaks up our Jr pattern.

I have to admit I’m rather proud of the work I’ve done and I’m caustiously optomistic going forward.  I’ll try to post as well with some stories, maybe some pictures.

I have no idea why I’ meven writing this post.  I’m so tired…but that’s ok

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A few years back, maybe 5 or so and before the boy, I was introduced to a couple.  They were friends of one of my best friends, J.  For the first two years I knew them, but didn’t really “know” them.  After their engagement, I found that L and I were hanging out more.  I helped with a few wedding preparations, and just generally enjoyed her company as well as her finace’s.  They are just good people.

I still remember when the boy and I recieved an invitation to their wedding.  It was one of those pivitol moments when you’re not entirely sure if you would be on the A list, B list, or no list at all.  Certainly I didn’t want them to feel like they needed to invite us (especially since it was in NYC) but I was so glad that they did.  And now, today, I am even more thankful for that invitation.  That invitation, our presence at their wedding, was at least in my mind a pivitol moment.  It’s the moment when we went from aquaintances to friends.

L and D have been amazing influences in our lives.  We have a great time hanging out with them and they have been tremendous friends.  Like I said, they are just good people. 

When we adopted Archie boy L listened to me lament about my concerns and fears, as well as gush over how precious he is.  They also volutnteered to watch our boy right after we brought him home when low and behold we found that both the boy’s schedule and mine had us overlapping out of town trips over one night.  I still remember dropping him off, giving D all kinds of chatter and he just said “it’ll be fine.  He pees on the floor, no biggie, it’s all good”. 

Oh the relief

On Saturday L and D watched Archie while we headed to Buffet with some other amazing friends.  We dropped the boy and visited for a few minuets, when L brought out an anniversary gift that she made for us.

My sweet friend had taken our cake topper bouquet, dried it, and then framed one of her amazing photos and incorporated the dried flowers into the frame.

Tears people, tears.

The thoughfulness was  unbelievable.  I mean, she’s thoughtful of course but this was a year in the making.  That’s a lot of foresight. 

It’s funny how many amazing friends can be made from a single interview in a red suit.

I am so blessed with such amazing friends.  I am so thankful that J introduced us, and that L has allowed me into her life.  My cup runneth over.

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I’m often accused (specifically by the boy, over and over and over) that I have blinders on and I don’t see what’s going on around me.  In fairness, their is some truth to this.  I will be the first one to admit that I have a tendancy to “bury my head in the sand”.  More often than not I won’t even notice things b/c I’ve been in my own little world–I won’t notice a store for example.  The older I’ve gotten, the worse it’s gotten.  There are times now when people will be talking to me (usually the boy) and I don’t even hear them.  It’s a bit of a defence mechanism I believe.  Still, more and more lately I’ve being living in my own little world.

And so, with the new year, I decided to try something new…or old as it were.  For example, I used to get scared but instead of shutting down, I’d look at it as my opportunity to push past it.  In fairness, life is much more difficult than it once was.  None the less, I’m challenging myself.  Opening myself up to new things and really truely give 100%.  And as proof, last Friday I had the opportunity to open a box at a jewlery show.  The deal was, it was either a discount, a free item, or you had to host a show.  And once you chose deal or no deal, you couldn’t turn back.  With my new rule, I should’ve opened it.  But I panicked at the additional stress of possibly hosing a show so I turned it down…and as it turns out I turned down a free piece of jewlery.  Serves me right

So I’ve been really trying to live up to this psudo new year’s resolution which includes ‘opening my eyes’.  So, I have no clue exactly how to do that but mostly I’m trying to just not burry my head.  And I’ve been somewhat successful at opening my eyes.

And here’s the thing.  My eyes are open.  And I’m seeing a lot.  And I’m not necessarily happy with everything I’m seeing.  Some of it I’m downright disgusted with, and I can’t unsee it.  It’s staring me straigh.in.the.face.  Bleh

So now I have two choices:

1.) try to bury it

2.) try to do something about it

And it’s my life, so I’m choosing number 2.  Now, that’s not saying I can fix everything right now,  or even everything.  But I can make myself some goals.  Of course there are absolutly moments when I wish I couldclose my eyes again.  But I don’t, and I won’t, b/c if nothing else the idea of some of these things excites me beyond words.

Now, I just wonder if the boy has noticed my newfound ’sight’.

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