August 17th, 2008
The boy tells me that I should leave a posthere so that people know I’ve been blogging over at our wedding site-www.allieandmatt.com-so FYI, until further notice I’m pretty well over at the wedding site. 
March 17th, 2008
It is no secret that my work life hasn’t exactly been, let’s say, wonderful. The Sunday night “oh my God how do I even THINK about going to work” waterworks blessedly ended around the one year mark when I finally found my feet.
But that didn’t mean that work-life was suddenly pleasant. Quite the contrary actually. What I began to find was that since I stopped focusing on putting out fires and started focusing on preventing them (you know, now that I have a clue) I was more aware of my surroundings…and my surroundings were full of people who are overworked, underpaid, stressed and really really feeling budget crunches. Oh, and did I mention the entire reorganization of my company’s infrastructure oh…right about the time I started?? Yea. Good times.
And people in my office are showing it. I can’t really blame anyone, it was a tough crappy year-only crappier for me b/c I had no idea that it wasn’t “just me” or the office but rather that there were a lot of changes going on. Unfortunately, management failed to mention it to me, mostly b/c they were trying to deal with it themselves. I don’t blame my direct managers at all, it was just a crappy year.
I should have seen it coming when my original manager finally had enough and took an extended absence vacation only to come back in a different role which I learned of 1 month in on my first site visit. hmm
But here I am, and I’ve survived. Yet my office life is still less than stellar. Do I truly believe it’ll ever change? ehh, probably not while I’m here (it’s made worse by the fact that we have upper level management in this office). But, while I am here I need to make the most of it.
And thus came the brainstorming and conversations between the boy and I on how to make this the most pleasant experience possible given the parameters. It must have been January when, on a Friday night, the boy and I headed to the Chinese Buffet for me to once again gorge my sorrows in some fried rice and egg rolls. We started discussing the issues for the umpteenth time, except this time he and I were brainstorming on what I could do, not just b*tching.
I’ll be honest, at first I thought it wasn’t worth it. I mean, I know I talk a lot about walking the walk, and I know it’s up to me to be positive for myself. But I can’t lie-I didn’t think there was ANY way that I was going to make a difference in this mess. And admittedly, I thought the boys ideas on it would just fade.
But then, he sent me an article on affecting change in the workplace. And I found us having more conversations on it. And I found that I had committed myself to being positive even if it was just me.
Time has passed, and in that time I’ve had a few people come to me about either the negative atmosphere and sort of tried to band together to keep our chins up, or have literally had the conversation about teaming together to affect a positive change. Even after our annual meeting, I came out and said just about as much as my “growth opportunity”.
Am I saying that I am really changing my office? No, I wouldn’t dare be so bold. But what I HAVE noticed is that at least for me it’s not quite so painful here. And even my manager commented on her appreciation of my admission of a positive change. It’s far from perfect, but for me it’s my responsibility to try and make it the best possible environment for me to be in. And then it’s my responsibility to go home and love my family and friends and enjoy their company, letting work stay at work.
And so, in that vein, I’ve just taken on another meeting. It’s just an on site, and it’s here in the city. Unfortunately it means I have 3 meetings in the month of May (note there are only 4 weeks in that month). But it’s a partner in the Chicago office, and among other (more selfish reasons) my doing this means that she gets to celebrate her Grandmother’s 80th birthday with all her family in Tuscany. And that makes me feel good.
So maybe it’s a little victory. May might suck, but I’m doing my part. And that makes me feel good, and my work environment better for me. And I have an amazing fiancee who’s supporting me on it all to boot.
Lucky lucky girl am I.
March 6th, 2008
(Check out my new quote )
This probably belongs on the other blog. But it’s here. Cause it ain’t pretty.
There was a time in my youth that I used to say “all my bridesmaids will just buy a black chiffon dress”.
Then I got engaged.
Then J tried on little black dresses for fun, and I fell in love.
And now, I’m here.
Where is here you ask? I’ll tell you. Indecision Hell.
Really, it’s such a stupid stupid thing to stress over. Worse, I have been so vigilant about not getting too stressed over any one piece of the puzzle, constantly reminding myself that it’s about the day AFTER the wedding and every day going forward, not about the party. But then the dress happened, and for whatever Godforsaken reason I have latched onto it and the icy grip of death couldn’t even get me to just “let it go”.
It doesn’t help that I like to think out loud, and to ask people’s opinion. It helps me to step back a bit and hear/see from other points of view, especially when I tend to get too far into the weeds with something. And I appreciate it. But the backfire to this plan, I’m coming to learn, is information overload.
Don’t get me wrong-I have asked and wanted this advice. But then I finally got to sit down and start putting it all together. Consequently, I learned that my potential wedding day make-up stands up to tears pretty darn well.
That’s right. Meltdown.
Over stupid dresses. It’s so ridiculous I’m literally laughing to myself. I mean, we have LITERALLY gone to China and back. What have I become???
My mom asked me a very interesting question last night. “What do YOU want” she asked.
(cue crickets chirping)
“I have no idea”.
And I don’t. At this point my brain is so jumbled full of information I just don’t know if I want black or red, Satin or chiffon. Hell, they might end up with “marshmallow butts” if they don’t keep an eye on me!
It was black originally, since people were buying their own. But I love red. But the flowers were done based on black for them to pop. And so you see how I get spun up.
My brain is full.
So this morning I e-mailed the florist, to find out if the flowers would work should the dresses be red. I have decided to narrow it down, choose, and move on. And they had some truly terrific ideas, really terrific. Tying things in together etc. But the more I read, the more little changes I found that might just change the entire feel we’re going for.
Well Shit.
And so, rather than freaking out I am writing. Because let’s face facts people, in 10 years…hell, 10 DAYS after the wedding it WILL NOT MATTER. And like Dorthy wishing for home, I find myself clicking my heels together whispering “it’s just a dress, it’s just a dress, it’s just a dress….”
And so I ask again…what have I become?
PS-God bless the boy, cause he’s certainly trying
January 30th, 2008
Yesterday I wrote a huge post. At the end I tried to add a photo…and I have no clue what happened but it “weren’t purty”. So rather than re-writing, here’s a quick snapshot.
- Friday the boy and I took our “test” for the Catholics. Hopefully we passed. Father knows we are living together, and we all just left it at that. He seems to be warming to us, fingers crossed.
- Registered this weekend. Night 1 left me wanting a smoky treat, Day 2 left me in tears, Day 3 was Crate and Barrel and I was in heaven Note to self-when going to BBB or any other huge store, just do one room at a time. Very excited to finally register for my Kitchen-Aid mixer after 30 years of waiting. Do I think I’ll get it? Hell no. But it’s one of those inside girly jokes.
- Still no smoking for us, but the Chantix is killing me
- We start Natural Family Planning…on SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! We couldn’t help it-we finally got the list and our options were very limited. The boy must love me.
- We also had to sign up for our marriage retreat. All and all, the Catholic portion of this wedding will cost in excess of $1,000. Who knew the Bank of Catholics was so fruitful. Sheesh.
- J is a wiz online, and I heart sweatshops :)-