So why do I have this blessed little bottle is the most logical question.  On Tuesday while at the airport in Kansas City I received a call  that I have an autoimmune disease.  It’s called…wait for it <breath>

Hypothyroidism

(que internal giggling)

Ok so I have to admit I’m feeling punchy.  If you know me you know I have a flair for, shall we say, the drama  and if you can’t tell already, I’m being a goof. The truth is that yes, it’s autoimmune but it’s just an under producing thyroid.  Well, “just” is a relative term.   I cannot lie I’m beyond relieved to hear that I have a crappy thyroid.  Giddy even.

Now don’t go getting me wrong.  I don’t think that I’m fat just b/c I have a lazy thyroid.  I’m fat b/c I like food.  But you have to understand that I”ve been following all of my Weight Watchers rules, even working out religiously and at first I was staying even and then, as if that wasn’t insulting enough, I started gaining weight.  Oh nothing that was even equivalent to a whole pound, but when you let Jillian abuse you every afternoon and avoid treats well, let’s just say it’s a touch frustrating.  One might even say that I had a little itty bitty temper tantrum expression of frustration last week.  So to have at least some semblance of an explanation (albeit not an entire solution) is awesome.  Meanwhile this week I didn’t work out, followed the plan (but not over the weekend) and *wham* 1.8 lbs down.  Go figure.   And I haven’t even started the pills yet so perhaps I just need to go a bit easier on myself?

Anywho

The whole weight thing is certainly a PITA but moreover, there are a series of other symptoms that are even more debilitating.  Naming, the extreme fatigue.  So, I’m hopeful.  And if not this then we’ll see what else there is to do.

And in the meantime, I’ll do my little happy dance all over Kansas City airport.

Guess who is one of the top 5 producers in her company?! That’s right-Top 5 be-atches!  Actually, as it turns out 3 of the 5 of us are from the DC office.

Because I love what I do and well, because this is a public blog I’ll just leave it as “top 5 producer”.  If you know me you know (or can find out) what that means, but I’d rather stay employed thankyouverymuch.  I have to be honest, I’m over the moon.    I am so very proud.

And then I came home.  And the boy, while happy, wasn’t through the roof (as I suppose I expected).  And I was hurt. And I should know better than to set up expectations, because let’s face it setting expectations for others never ends up like you want.   But as he put it, and the fact is, that winning some award doesn’t make me who I am and quite frankly doesn’t change “what everyone knows about me”.  It’s just announcing out loud the reality of my day-t0-day life.

Should I be proud?  Yep.  Am I proud?  You damn straight. And the boy is proud too.  Add to that some less than stellar news we learned about our dear friend’s pups, and  it’s a gentle reminder that at the end of the day, there’s more to life than winning awards.  Oh yea, and next time, I’ll send a memo about the reaction I’m looking for

PS-I’m still top 5 be-atches!

For our 2nd ‘dating’ anniversary, knowing that I love to journal, the boy gave me a small leatherbound book with the words “carpe diem” embossed on the front.  The book is a bit too small for a journal (particularly for a gal with as much to say as I do) so instead I created long desired compilation of quotes.

Though still in it’s infancy, there are already a variety of quotes. Everything from classic novels, to quotes found embroidered on tea towels.  Anything that speaks to me.

The following is a quote that was in a Christmas card we received this year.  I love the sentiment of it as much as the cadence.  I also love the fact that the author is Ralph Waldo Emmerson.  I learned this summer that my paternal grandfather, whose name was Ralph, held the middle name Emmerson after the great poet.  Who would have known that this farmer family of mine had a love of poetry.

At any rate, without further ado:

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

Nothing earthshattering mind you; no felony records or hidden children.  But still, random interesting little tid bits about yours truely.  Today I thought I’d share a few here, just for.

I’m obssesed with ballet…or should I say ballet toe shoes.  Oh yes, the en pointe jobbies.  Just look at my outfit today.  I have on a ballet inspired top in a power pink (ballet shoe color) and a pair of brown ballet flats, complete with squared off toe to even more resemble a real-life ballet shoe.  Oh I never thought I could actually BE a ballerina…I’m not that naive. I’m about as graceful as a baby girraffe…and trust me when I say they aren’t.  But oh how I love the way a point shoe looks, or the like pink of the satin, or the delicacy of the tulle tu-tu.  In fact, I prefer the short little tu tu’s typically worn by the “lesser” parts to the long flowy dresses of the prima ballerinas.    One time, my neighbor let me try on her pointe shoes.  Aside from the fact that, oh, I’m not a ballerina, they were a solid 2-3 sizes too small.  But I didn’t care.  And I get up en pointe for about 2.7 seconds, which was followed by the world’s worst charlie horse. 

But I would do it again.

You should also know that my worst fear is drowning.  Oh sure the whole ‘no oxegyn’ part is bad, but I’m more concerend with the FISH.  What if I swallow one or something starts nibbling at my toes while I’m busy dying? 

Recently I was chatting with a dear friend of mine about the first night we met.  She told me that when I walked into the room she remembers thinking how confident and self-assured I looked.  I remember that night too…I remember not knowing anyone save the friend who invited me but trying to branch out.  I remember “faking it” till I “made it”.  And ironically I remember thinking how stunning she was.  Funny how that works. 

And you know what else, it was the Best compliment EVER.

I tend to take on the accents, mannerisms and ‘ticks’ of people I’m talking too.  According to Oprah it’s b/c I’m good at relating to people.  According to me though, I spoke wiht a Southern accent, then a Midwestern, then South Centeral and I’m pretty sure there was an Irish Brouge thrown in there all just between 2 and 4pm.

My memory is heavily connected with my sense of taste/smell.  Sometimes Stargazer lillies stop me in my tracks.  They used to be my favorite, but since I sat next to a bouqet at my uncle’s funeral years ago, it’s hit or miss these days.  I kissed a boy in college whose scent was a mix of rum and Pepsi (Pepsi not Coke), skoal and CK1.  I dated another boy who wore Versace’s Blue Jeans cologne.  After we broke up I made the boy in front of me in math class move when he came in wearing it one day. (why I didn’t move I’ll never know).  The boy however, has several scents.  He is “the boy” afterall, so he gets multiples like that.  Like the Burt’s Bee Balm, or the smell of his skin like soap, or Bourbon…though that last one usually doesn’t qualify as a “good” smell. 

When I’m alone in the car, I like to turn on Broadway showtunes (my current fav is Wicked) and imagine I’m on the stage somewhere and belt it out.   Usually it’s pretty detailed (and random).  Like once recently on a particularly bad traffic day I imagined that the Ole Miss Marching Band was playing “Defying Gravity” and they had two women singing the appropriate parts, but then the one playing Elphaba got sick and they needed a stand in at the last min.  Since my She She works for the Alumni Association she told them they should have me do it, and of course I had to fill in and save the day!  So I get up on the riser and belt my heart out! 

Yea, I’m a dork.  I know.

So there you have it…you know me a little better know.  Aren’tcha glad?

I am home.  I thought that I just had a scratchy throat from the dry dessert air.  I always do. 

I thought the sneezing was from TI’s nasty casino perfume.  It’s rank.

Sadly, I’m sitting on the couch in humid NOVA in a smoke-free house and my symptoms have only gotten worse.  I must accept the sad sad fact that I’m sick. 

I say it like that because aside from one other itty bitty detail* this is the first time I’ve been sick this winter and typically once I’m sick I continue to pick up crude until the spring. 

At least I made it this far.

*The one itty bitty other little detail may be the fact that I just spent 7 days with the entire techy world.  I can’t say how many people were there just yet, but I can say it’s a lot of people…a lot of people that I came in contact with one way or another. 

Oops-sorry ’bout that press peeps.

Anywho, I’ll try to write about my week soon, but for now here are the top 10 things I learned this week:

1.) Added security screening apparently means that the United check-in agent has to call her friend “Ang”, chat for a few mins, then chat with “Mike” for a few more mins about where he’s been and what’s new and oh yea, confirm I’m not a terrorist.  I feel so safe.

2.) I have the most beautiful downstairs bathroom thanks to my sweet husband…even if he did refer to it as “Tarheel Blue”-ACK!

3.) Treasure Island’s line of shampoo and condintioning products reminds me of something one would find at an *ahem* adult store.

4.) I FINALLY got to see the fountains at the Bellagio…was a let down.  Even worse I thought they were “all of the way” down the strip.  Umm yea, they were next door. 

5.) Las Vegas is not for children.  The flashcards they hand out, when accumulated, don’t equal a pack of “old maid” cards.

6.) 3D TV’s are cool, but mostly for gaming.  And if you aren’t wearing the glasses you can be pretty sure you’ll end up with a migrane.

7.) New micro-blogging cameras are sure to cause a problem…but are freakin’ cool.

8.) Lady GaGa is the new face of Polaroid….umm WHY?

9.) The Tuscanny Suite at the Las Vegas Hilton has a 11 fireplaces,  12 TV’s, and 8 bathtubs including one that requires a  lifeguard. 

10.) Most of what you bring home from Vegas requires a Rx…bleh.

Most people wrote these guys of posts two days ago, but let’s face it I’m not most people.  Still, I wanted to share my favorite memories of 2009 month-by-month. 

January brought me to a “little known show” that is the biggest consumer technology tradeshow *ahem*.  Normally I go onsite as a second, but given the birth of my counterpart’s son, I was left in charge.  It was a doozy, I learned a lot, was overly hard on myself and my skills, and will forever hold it as a mark of pride that I was able to pull it off (with a LOT of help from friends!)

February was the month of love.  Honestly there was nothing overly remarkable, but on Valentine’s night the boy made dinner for us.  It was sweet and nice.  Our (young) neighbors that are on the other side of our duplex however had a party complete with beer keg and loud music.  I felt old, and I was fine with it.

March we finally got our living room painted, and the house started to become a home.  It was also the month of our company meeting and one of THE worst hangovers known to man.

April was the month that the boy’s Mamaw passed.  It was the first death that we experienced as a couple, and odd as it may sound it’s an extremely touching memory for me.  One in which my new family fully embraced me as one of their own, and I was able to be the strong one.  It also meant that while I had to miss J’s surprise party, we were able to celebrate the twin’s 2nd birthday in person.  I love those babies I do.

May  was a busy month but oh what a fun one!  My sister and brother-in-law came to visit.  It was the week in which we became known as the neighbors that sit on their front porch until all hours drinking beer and having long chats about nothing and everything.

June took me away from the boy for 10 days, the longest we’ve been apart since we first started dating and I had to be in San Diego for a month.  June took me to Florida, the most humid state on the planet forcing me to pour pounds of hairspray into my head in a futile attempt to keep it in check while I worked one of the most unique show’s I’ve had the privelage of working with.  Wrangling lost children, vomit calls, protestors and dancing in the asiles during GS load in. 

July brought me home to my sweet husband and straight into the 4th of July festivities, including tubin’ which I once again survived.  Those that know me know I have an unrational fear of fish.  I choose to believe that the Shennandoah has none (though next year I may wear a helmet in case I can’t avoid the rapids again).  More importantly, July brought us our pupper Archie.  I love him to bits, kibbles and bits.  It was also very quickly that we found out how scary “parenthood” can be as his kennel cough escalated at rapid pace to pnemonia.  Scared the bejesus outta me.  The stress, however, did make me loose 7 lbs (which I promptly gained back) so you gotta take the good with the bad I say

August brought our one year anniversary, which we celebrated in Boston.  It was hottern’ blazes, but we had a good time.  I, ever able to injure myself in unique ways, arrived home with an ankle sprain due to walking too many miles in my beloved flops.

September will forever be the month of the PJ fiasco.  I honestly don’t remember the last time I laughed that hard (especially on someone’s kitchen floor) and will remain true to the argument that “simplicity” patterns aren’t so simple.

October we would rather forget….so we will.  HA!  October was crazy busy with work, and though in the first part I stuck to my “8 hours a day” schedule, that quickly went by the wayside.  As it did, the boy helped me see even more just how important it is to take some time to yourself.

November gave me my final show of the year, with a wonderful client.  And Thank God too b/c I was t-i-r-e-d!  I also was able to visit with my aunt and uncle while out there, which was really a treat.  November also took us to Georgia for Thanksgiving, and the puppers first long car ride with us.  Little did we know how important this preparation would be.  I got to shop on Black Friday with my mom and had so much fun with her that I was sad it had to end.

December will forever go down in history as the trip from hell   Those that read my Facebook page already know about our adventure on 81 South complete with National Guard rescue, flat tire, tornado and a wirlwind of fun and love with family and friends (for the record I will forever be indebted to Comfort Inns).  One day I’ll write about it all and post it here….but for now it’s just one of those memories that you kinda have to laugh at.  It also is (technically still is) the longest vacation I’ve ever been able to take.  16 whole days!  There were bets about how long it would take until I got bored.  Guess what people?  Didn’t happen.

New Year’s was spent with friends in a low-key perfect sorta way.  We said goodbye to 2009, and though I know that for others it was a much worse year, I cannot lie.  I’m not exactly sad to see it go.  It was a long tough year in many ways.  But, I’m thankful for what it was, and hopeful for 2010. 

Here’s to a fresh start.

So a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

It’s been a crazy week…eer, couple weeks.  I leave for my solar client’s show in less than 1 week from today.  So yea, bananas.

But I’m thankful.  Ohhh am I thankful.

I’m thankful that I got to spend time with family last weekend.  Oh my sweet niece and nephew, they are such joy.  I love love love spending time with my family.  It is like food for my soul…and I was starved.

I’m grateful for the challenges of the past few weeks.  I realize that may sound odd, but these past few weeks may have pushed me hard, but with the support of my friends and family I haven’t let it shrink me, but expand.

I’m thankful for self evaluation and patience.  I pretty well stink at the ‘patience’ part, but the self evaluation has been helping me (slowly) realize when I loose my patience so that I can correct myself sooner rather than later.

I’m also thankful for humility.  I have even LESS of that in some respects, but with that whole self evaluation and practicing humility I’m able to be a better person/wife/friend/daughter.

I’m thankful that it’s just me and my cat tonight…it’s a nice chnage to just be able to relax quietly.

Meanwhile, I leave in less than a week.  Did I already mention that?  I’ve been working hard, but the boy has been wonderfully supportive.  I was afraid that he’d be angry with me for working so late, but his response was blessedly more concerned about my wellbeing.

I’ve been pushed and challenged, but it’s been good.  Dare I say I’m even enjoying myself?  Not that I’d want it to be perminently this crazy, but I suppose one of the things I’ve missed is a “busy time” that’s once a year, a cycle.  Mine is never ending, and so sometimes it’s a consistent stress level of 8 with no (or few) brakes.

But, I’ve been practicing some work life balance…so we’ll see.  And though I miss my friends and hanging out, I know that this is only temporary.

And now, it’s bedtime….sleepy sleepy girlie I am.  Sweet dreams everyone

I had been meaning to write a post about our first year of marriage that would go live on our anniversary, but that obviously didn’t happen.  That’s ok though…which seems to be my mantra these days.  Trying to figure myself a little more I suppose.  But here I am now, with a year in review if you will.  I would like to entitle this “what I learned this year”.  Kinda like you used to have to write compositions in school

This year has been a lot of things.  Not 1 month after we came home from our honeymoon, I was off to California for my biggest onsite of the year.  I wouldn’t have normally thought traveling so soon would have been all that bad, but it started out what (still is) a crazy year in itself.  A year that has proven to push me even further to my wits end.  But that’s a post for another time.

We made it through November, and somewhere in there we began looking at houses.  Don’t ask me how, you’d have to ask the boy   I let him, even encouraged his “little whim”…oh the things we do when we’re not paying attention

We purchased our first home, and despite a stupid mix-up with the mortgage company that delayed the closing, and a melt down by me, it all came together.  I still cannot believe we moved in and then turned around and drove to Mississippi.  Oy.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with much family, and I must admit it sort of spoiled me.  Oh how beautiful to have so much family so close would be (says the girl who’s family is Not ).  My parents and baby brother finally got to their first Ole Miss game, and there was much joy (and a little delusion, I was overwhelmed by the move).

We spent our first Christmas together, and our first Christmas alone. I will admit, I was in a bit of a fog.l 

I successfully made it through CES as the lead, and the boy took his own lead getting the house settled.  I will totally admit it, I shut down and the boy trudged on.   Normally I would have had the winter to relax…hahahahaha. 

Anyway

We made it through the spring, through our first death in the family.  But with that, I had a bit of an eyeopening personal experience, and eve nthough we had to miss one of my best friend’s birthday party, we were able to party with our twin niece and nephew for their 2nd birthday.  Let me tell you what, that’s alotta work all those kids

We enjoyed the summer, having the boy travel with me to Philly and come to the Gaylord National for jobs.  We celebrated the 4th with our annual TUBIN’! trip, and lazing around the Barnharts pool.  And of course we added to our little family with our boy Archie.

We dealt with a scary first few days with the pupper, and I had a “flashforward” if you will of standing in a (human) ER one day rocking our baby leaning on him as I did that first night.

We were blessed to be able to spend our anniversary in Boston.  A great trip that’s left me a bit gimpy

Somewhere along the way, I came to realize that the it isn’t htat the boy doesn’t CARE about what I do or is unimpressed by it, but rather to him it’s more important how I handle myself and how I do whatever “it” is than the fact that I’m a meeting and event planner. 

That putting your family first is apparently easier said than done for a work-aholic.

My husband is brutally honest (especially when it comes to how I’m like my mom).  But I’m learning that A.) that doesn’t mean he’s trying to be critical of me and B.) it can be a good thing

Marriage is hard.  Even if you lived together beforehand forever is a long time.  And as it turns out, I freak out easily.  Go figure

I’ve also learned that I’m a passionate person which means when I’m angry I LIKE to yell   The boy is calm, which only pushes me more. 

But he’s also very forgiving.

I’ve learned that while anniversary’s are important, that doesn’t make the other 364 days a year you spend together any less important.

My husband pushes me, and that can be a good thing.

As it turns out, when there is someone I can trust to lean on, I tend to lean a lot.  For example, had it just been me I’d have been all over unpacking the house b/c I had to.  But he was shouldering the load.  Now I just have to learn to manage how much leaning I do.

I’m a very blessed lady.

It’s been a great show, easy but successful.  I’m looking forward to seeing my sweet husband whom I adore.  My persnikity cat, how no more how ornary she gets I will lover her until the end of time.  And my precious pupper who is blessedly on the mend.  Oh for sure, I’m excited to get home.  Except…

Except that tonight as I was talking to the boy I began to think about coming home and all that that means.  If you know me, you know I worry WAY.to.much.  The dog has helped me put some of that in perspective, but still it sneaks up on me more often than not.  Now I’m just aware of it-awesome.  Anwho… I suddendly found my stomach turning at the idea of being responsible for another life.  Albeit a sweet, mostly housebroken, cuddle love dog of a life, but still a life.  It was hard enough with a self sustaining cat who I probably didn’t give enough attention to until recently, but now there are two animals.  Holy cow

Now here’s the thing.  Having animals does limit you to some degree of running around.  I mean, I can’t just pick up and head off to Mexico.  But let’s face it, when would I normally just head off to Mexico anyway?

It reminds me of that scene from “When Harry Met Sally”, when Meg Ryan’s character talks about how she and her (now ex) boyfriend didn’t get married and have kids because they wanted to be able to have sex on the kitchen floor whenever they wanted, except that they never did anyway and now he’s gone off and gotten married…

The thing is, when the boy and I were engaged I quickly realized that, as it turns out, I am the commitment phobe.  I’m the one who was afraid of screwing up.  I am the one who is afraid of the unknown.  I am the one who has so often practiced the great art of the avoidance technique. 

The boy called me out on it tonight, my very agile avoidance practices, and I don’t deny it.  It’s so easy to avoid rather than to risk failure. 

But now I wonder, how on earth will I ever survive kids?

Like it or not, it’s something I’ve been wondering since we brought Archie home.  The nights awake, the crying, not knowing what he needs, not wanting him to be sad or unhappy or scared.  And the worry.  OH.Dear.Lord there was a lot of worrying.  And no offense but he’s just a dog.  How in all that is good and holy will I survive a CHILD?!  I’m secretly hopeful that I’ll take after my sister-in-law in her laid back style, but the reality is I’ll probably be institutionalized by Jr’s 3 month birthday. *sigh*

If nothing else, this experience will help me prepare for that.  And it seems to be helping me see a lot of other aspects of my life as well.  If nothing else, it’s quelched the baby bug for a SOLID 6 months to a year.  That is for sure.

For now though, I will take the road home tomorrow, and will embrace my life by the moment I am back in my sweet husbands arm.

But still no babies for a while.  My sanity can only be stretched so far.

We noticed is was coughing like he had a hairball, and when I asked someone about it from the rescue they said casually that it was probably kennel cough, that it was very common, and that the vet could take care of it with no problem.  We were plesantly surprised that they had already trimmed him, so we didn’t need the grooming.  Instead we made an appt for Sat to get the cough cleared up and have a once over.

Unforutantly 24 hours later the cough had gone from bad to terrible, and by 11pm he was hacking in 10-15 mins fits with only a few mins of calm.  We made the decision to go ahead and head to the emergency vet.  Now, let me say that it’s really hard to tell the vet if your dog is “acting normal” when you’ve only know him 24 hours.  I would also like to tell all those vets and vet techs out there that when you have new dog owners, DON’T SCARE THEM.  Let’s not tell them that your dog “probably has parasites, b/c all shelter dogs do”.  Or to utter the words “assuming he makes it through”.  Oy. 

 Anyway, turns out we had/have one VERY sick pupper.  He had 104.2 temp, a horrible case of kennel cough, possibly the puppy flu (not to be confused with the swine flu) and just generally was in bad shape.  I guess that I had made some assumptions that since he was fostered and so wanted and not in the “system” that long that he would be in tip top shape.  Let’s not forget though that he’s still a rescue dog, and he still traveled 8-12 hours in a hot van with 40 other dogs who had God only knows what.  There was some discussion about hospitalizing him, but since he had clear lung function and we didn’t want him staying in yet another strange place under quarantine we brought him home with with a cough suppresant and antibiotic (assuming it’s bacterial and not viral).

As of tonight it’s been a long few days.  I finally broke down in tears yesterday. His cough isn’t as violent, and we got his fever down, but he can’t move without coughing so we just try to keep him VEEERY still and quiet.    I got to speak to my normal vet today whom I adore, and we decided to go ahead and bring him in tomorrow night to make sure we’re on the right track with him.  Plus, I’ll just feel so much better getting his opinion and invovlement.  Seriously-one of the BEST vets ever.

The whole dog ownership thing has been eye opening.  I had no idea I’d get so hooked so quickly.  Or how many dog lovers are out there.  It’s made me realize just how much I worry, over random stuff (to really truly see it) and how often I start a sentence with the words “I’m worried about” or “I’m concerned with”.  I’ve often felt ridiculous in the last 72 hours over how freaked out I am, or worried or nervous, and how in the WORLD will I ever deal with having a baby?!  I know that one day I’ll look back and it’ll be fine, but that doesn’t change the fact these feelings I have are real.

I’ve also learned that there are some amazingly supportive people around me.  I cannot ever express my appreciation for all of the kind, supportive words and the time and energy people have exerted trying to help the boy and I figure this out and ease my concerns.  Truly it’s such a blessing.

So for now, we’ll rest on the couch, hope to get some sleep, and hope that Dr. Hall has some good news for us going forward.