YaYa Princess

It’s May 15, which means we’re halfway through May, which means we’re almost out of the he.ll zone. Rock on wit mah bad self

I seriously feel as if I’m finally coming up to see the light. Something’s changed though, undoubtedly something has changed. Between this year and last. I can’t quite put my finger on it, and I haven’t yet decided if this is a good or bad thing (I’m going to assume good for now). I still struggle with not running too fast; not getting so far ahead of myself I don’t actually stop to see what I’m doing. I still yell at my laptop I still get spun up.

And yet, I’m slightly slienced to a lot of all the mess. Something between last year and this year. Priorities. My job is important, I accept that. I love my work. But there are other things too. And the world still goes on. That’s ok-it’s ok to love my work, but love my personal life. It’s good to deman that they stay somewhat seperate, adn that you not give in too much and loose too much of your own time. Somehow, there seems to be a quiet silence And sometimes your friend comes to you, and needs you, even if they won’t straight out admit it, and you and your fiance need to run to wedding appointments, and your clients begin to freak out on you.
But you just stop, walk away from your computer, tune out the clients, and go to those that need you. And maybe you can’t offer a lot, but you can offer yourself and hope that that will be of some comfort.

Ok, before everyone starts in on a psudo-intervention, let me explain. A week ago I went to San Jose with another co-worker on a Familiarization (or FAM) trip. The comment was made by my co-worker that there is no need to stress or overwork yourself b/c she’s just not THAT important.

All week that was my mantra, until finally sometime mid-week I looked at her and said judging from the unending phone calls, e-mails and fires I apparently AM that important. In short, it was probably one of THE, if not the, craziest, busiest and worst week yet at my job. Wed. afternoon I literally almost walked out.

The good news, I made it through this week and learned a lot. The better news? I know I don’t need this job. Things were discussed, and I will leave things vague for the moment, but for now I’m just making lemonade-ha!

Anyway, if I’m not around a lot for the next few weeks you will know that, for the moment-my Job is still sucking the life out of me

This week has sucked big time. Monday afternoon just set a tone, and then before I knew it the entire week seems shot to hell. I’m highly agitated and very high strung here at work what with people calling me and asking me random a** questions, messing up my flow and other bits of it that cause me to be at a COMPLETE AND UTTER STANDSTILL. Frustrating, but what can you do. Not to mention that every time I look or even think about my calendar, I physically shutter. Let me give you a little preview:

3/3-27 I’m at an on site in Orlando. Note I leave Easter Sunday which the boy keeps giving me hell over, though I don’t really know why. April 3 I’m at an all day industry event which doesn’t just keep me out of the office, but is physically and emotionally exhausting. Then the next day I head to San Jose for the weekend for a FAM. At least I get to see Bruce Springsteen…except I’m not a huge fan. Whatever. April 20-22 I’m back in CA, and then April 30 I’m in B’more. As if that’s not bad enough, all this time it’ll be a crash course in preparing for May…oh dear God May.

1-7 Miami

16-22 DC

26-31 Orlando

I just need to get moving, it’s the holding pattern that’s killing me.

So anyway, I’ve been a little tense. At home, I sleep a lot on the couch The boy, though well meaning, is always pointing out the fact that I stress too much and that I do it to the point I don’t enjoy things. The only hiccup in this is that I hadn’t noticed before So I spent much of my time this week trying to seem carefree (and failing) in the hopes that the old saying “fake it till you make it” kicks in, but just generally leaves me feeling crappy about myself.

When I got a call on Tuesday afternoon from one of my oldest and dearest friends saying “it would be in your best interest to call me” I panicked. She was, after all, in NOLA on vacation with her boyfriend and I had offered her my “contacts” should anyone get arrested. Oh. Dear. God.

So with heart pounding I called, and rather than a plea of innocence, I found out some of the most incredible news. Her boyfriend is no longer her boyfriend.

He is her husband

In a very C. like way, she had talked for years about doing it drag queen style. And though I’ll miss the idea of dressing up like FooManChoo, the other option was a Wizard of Oz theme which includes little people dressed up….and you KNOW how I feel about that. So I am Juuuuuuust fine not being able to show off my drag-queen finery.

And it really is just like her, in the most perfect sense of the word. I know she was a little nervous we’d be upset, but that day was about them, and I couldn’t have planned it better for her myself. Just…perfect So sans feather boa, but probably with a few leprechauns my friend is now technically related to our other childhood friend, which seems fitting….and when you say it like that it also seems fitting that that whole “incestuous sounding” explanation also comes with the caveat that both of their husbands, and actually one of them, are from West Virginia. Yes, yes that makes much more sense

I love you dearly Mrs. B….BOTH of you

(Check out my new quote )

This probably belongs on the other blog. But it’s here. Cause it ain’t pretty.

There was a time in my youth that I used to say “all my bridesmaids will just buy a black chiffon dress”.

Then I got engaged.

Then J tried on little black dresses for fun, and I fell in love.

And now, I’m here.

Where is here you ask? I’ll tell you. Indecision Hell.

Really, it’s such a stupid stupid thing to stress over. Worse, I have been so vigilant about not getting too stressed over any one piece of the puzzle, constantly reminding myself that it’s about the day AFTER the wedding and every day going forward, not about the party. But then the dress happened, and for whatever Godforsaken reason I have latched onto it and the icy grip of death couldn’t even get me to just “let it go”.

It doesn’t help that I like to think out loud, and to ask people’s opinion. It helps me to step back a bit and hear/see from other points of view, especially when I tend to get too far into the weeds with something. And I appreciate it. But the backfire to this plan,  I’m coming to learn, is information overload.

Don’t get me wrong-I have asked and wanted this advice. But then I finally got to sit down and start putting it all together. Consequently, I learned that my potential wedding day make-up stands up to tears pretty darn well.

That’s right. Meltdown.

Over stupid dresses. It’s so ridiculous I’m literally laughing to myself. I mean, we have LITERALLY gone to China and back. What have I become???

My mom asked me a very interesting question last night. “What do YOU want” she asked.

(cue crickets chirping)

“I have no idea”.

And I don’t. At this point my brain is so jumbled full of information I just don’t know if I want black or red, Satin or chiffon. Hell, they might end up with “marshmallow butts” if they don’t keep an eye on me!

It was black originally, since people were buying their own. But I love red. But the flowers were done based on black for them to pop. And so you see how I get spun up.

My brain is full.

So this morning I e-mailed the florist, to find out if the flowers would work should the dresses be red. I have decided to narrow it down, choose, and move on. And they had some truly terrific ideas, really terrific. Tying things in together etc. But the more I read, the more little changes I found that might just change the entire feel we’re going for.

Well Shit.

And so, rather than freaking out I am writing. Because let’s face facts people, in 10 years…hell, 10 DAYS after the wedding it WILL NOT MATTER. And like Dorthy wishing for home, I find myself clicking my heels together whispering “it’s just a dress, it’s just a dress, it’s just a dress….”

And so I ask again…what have I become?

PS-God bless the boy, cause he’s certainly trying

Today is the 3rd very full day at my company’s annual meeting. They have pretty well had every moment packed for us, with the exception of 1.5-2 hours in the evenings between sessions and receptions. Unfortunatly we’ve run late every day so we’ve only had about 1 hour to ourselves.

I have met a lot of people, constructed a pretty kick a** bridge with people I didn’t previously know, and tried to get energized. There is just one problem, I can’t possibly have one more sip of “koo.l ai.d”-I just can’t do it.
I’ve been at this job for about a year and a half. Then I come here, and it’s like I’m smack dab new again. I don’t so much mind that though, it’s just slightly frusterating.

But I got stuck at another hotel for reasons I’m not even certain about anymore, meaning that NO ONE from my office is here (ie. I know/knew no one) and generally, I just don’t know that I can drink any more of it in, or that I want to.

And I’ve tried, and I WANT to, I swear I have and I do. But despite all of my efforts, I cannot shake the fact that I still don’t feel like I fit in w/ my company-or at least my office. And it’s frusterating. And I’m tired. And b/c I’m at this outcast hotel, it’s pretty lonely. And the truth is, I’m not sure I want to fit in with my office…. Maybe the Boston office will adopt me