*ahem*

Anywho, where was I?  oh yes, doing well.  The irony is that I’ve been drinking a lot more wine thank normal but hey, what’re ya gonna do?  And I’ve been very proud of myself, only really being tempted around 2pm and at dinner time.  Oh, and driving home from work when I want gum. But nothing too bad.  That is, until today.  Today when I met my Nemesis…the weekend.

It started out innocently enough.  The boy and I were running errands and he headed to 7-11 for a drink.  I can’t have  diet soda, I won’t have regular soda, and I can’t have gum.  Hmmmm.  I should note I cannot be in the car without a drink and/or snack.  I ended up with a York Peppermint Patty.  But then we headed to Target and I thought I would loose it.  There I stood, headlong down the aisle of all things Aspartame–diet sodas and Crystal light drinks galore.  And if I thought THAT was bad, when we got to the checkout the little mini-fridge was literally calling my name. At one point one of the employees told us to go to line 3 (lines were long) and there was no wait.  But the lady was snarky telling us she was closed.  Poor uninformed woman.  I let her know that her coworker actually told us to come to her line, where in she promptly said something that sounded like “he not my team leader” and shooed us away.  I resisted the urge to scream

“TEAM Leader?!  What the hell do you think this is lady the starship f’ing enterprise?!”

Which I’m glad i didn’t b/c I totally got two sci-fi space movies confused but I cannot help it…I’m in the throws of withdrawl.  Anyway, after informing everyone who would listen what a snarky narcissist she was, I gave her “a stern look” and we got in a different line…a line full of gum.

After that it’s all dark and fuzzy.  All I know is I’m safe at home with my wine, and I lived to tell the tale.

What I have discovered, though, is that I have interesting vices.  Smoking was a vice, food was another, and as it turns out, so is diet coke.  Without it I find myself just wanting to snack on anything.  No Bueno.

And I’ve managed to drink enough water to drown a fish.

I would venture to say that most people probably don’t think of me as “super religious”.  And while I would not characterize myself that way either, I am certainly much more so than most would realize.  There is a reading from Matthew every Ash Wednesday that I think describes it best:

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.”

Now, I’m not saying anything derogatory about any one or other religion, but I put that out there because I feel like it synopsizes so much about the religion I was brought up in.  The bottom line is that I was never brought up to talk about my relationship with God.  In fact, I never had even heard such a phrase until I became involved with Young Life in high school.  And when someone first asked me “how is your relationship with God?” my first thought was “do-what?” and the second was “none of your business thankyouverymuch”.

The point is, I was just not brought up to discuss my beliefs like some.  And that’s fine.  The point isn’t whether or not you shout about your beliefs or you hold them close to the vest.  But the point is that because of the fact that my belief system was quite private, most  people just aren’t aware.  Even my mother probably doesn’t get it.  This was only the second Christmas that I wasn’t with them on Christmas Eve, and the first time that I was spending it with another family (besides just my husband).  My mother felt the need to remind me to go to church for Christmas Eve mass.  I had to laugh.  I had already told the boy it was a non-negotiable item.

And of course the older I get, the more important it is to me, and to the boy.

But still, it’s not exactly something I shout out from the rooftops.

For whatever reason, in the past few years Lent has become more and more important.  I suppose it’s a time for me to “show my Catholicism” and it’s a chance for me to reconnect.  It’s no secret that I”m having a hard time finding a church in this area (I have issue with the Arlington Diocese and their old school mentality) and I’ve long known that even if we join another denomination I’ll always be a Catholic at heart.  What can I say, I hate change love tradition.

So this morning I drug myself out of bed for 6:30am service.  It was dark, and I almost busted my booty on the ice, but I made it.  I got all ashed up, and began my 40 days.

What did I give up?  Aspartame.  Which, as it turns out is in a LOT.  Like Diet Coke.  Pretty sure Jesus should give me bonus points for that one.  Going back to Matthew 6, we’re not supposed to “look dismal” but rather we’re supposed to ‘put our big girl panties on and deal with it…with a smile”.  Ok, so maybe Matthew didn’t say THAT but you get the idea.  Have no fear though, I’ll be sharing all of it here.

So 16 hours in.  within the first 62 minuets I thought about Diet Coke 5 times.  By 1:00pm I had a massive headache and thought I was going to toss my cookies.  You tell me how I”m doing.