YaYa Princess

I’m often accused (specifically by the boy, over and over and over) that I have blinders on and I don’t see what’s going on around me.  In fairness, their is some truth to this.  I will be the first one to admit that I have a tendancy to “bury my head in the sand”.  More often than not I won’t even notice things b/c I’ve been in my own little world–I won’t notice a store for example.  The older I’ve gotten, the worse it’s gotten.  There are times now when people will be talking to me (usually the boy) and I don’t even hear them.  It’s a bit of a defence mechanism I believe.  Still, more and more lately I’ve being living in my own little world.

And so, with the new year, I decided to try something new…or old as it were.  For example, I used to get scared but instead of shutting down, I’d look at it as my opportunity to push past it.  In fairness, life is much more difficult than it once was.  None the less, I’m challenging myself.  Opening myself up to new things and really truely give 100%.  And as proof, last Friday I had the opportunity to open a box at a jewlery show.  The deal was, it was either a discount, a free item, or you had to host a show.  And once you chose deal or no deal, you couldn’t turn back.  With my new rule, I should’ve opened it.  But I panicked at the additional stress of possibly hosing a show so I turned it down…and as it turns out I turned down a free piece of jewlery.  Serves me right

So I’ve been really trying to live up to this psudo new year’s resolution which includes ‘opening my eyes’.  So, I have no clue exactly how to do that but mostly I’m trying to just not burry my head.  And I’ve been somewhat successful at opening my eyes.

And here’s the thing.  My eyes are open.  And I’m seeing a lot.  And I’m not necessarily happy with everything I’m seeing.  Some of it I’m downright disgusted with, and I can’t unsee it.  It’s staring me straigh.in.the.face.  Bleh

So now I have two choices:

1.) try to bury it

2.) try to do something about it

And it’s my life, so I’m choosing number 2.  Now, that’s not saying I can fix everything right now,  or even everything.  But I can make myself some goals.  Of course there are absolutly moments when I wish I couldclose my eyes again.  But I don’t, and I won’t, b/c if nothing else the idea of some of these things excites me beyond words.

Now, I just wonder if the boy has noticed my newfound ’sight’.

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